26ish

"Wow! You're expecting? I didn't know you were expecting! Do you know what your having? Twins boys??!! God bless you, that's gonna be double the trouble!"

I have to participate in the above conversation approximately 47 times every day. This is not an exaggeration. This is troof. I tried so hard not to get bitchy about this, because I am very happy to be in this position. However, I have to admit that it's beginning to wear on my sanity. I am going to analyze this conversation as a way of purging and coping, providing the answers I wish I could give:

a) "I didn't know you were expecting??!!" yeah, amazingly, I didn't call all of my patients to let them know. and by the way, you have not even been in the office in over a year, and also, we're not friends or family, soooo...

b) " Twin boys....double trouble" umm, 3 of your children are using the exam room as a jungle gym while your giving mountain dew to your 10 month old and you clearly have not followed the advice given by Andy Kaufman to use a bar of soap to, ummm, wash your body, and you think I might have some trouble?

okay. purged. grateful. I just never really liked attention.

Usually an attempt is made to expand the conversation to about 15 minutes, which I cannot allow. I have thus far refrained from yelling, "please! please! don't you know I have this conversation 47 times a day and I have 3 other patients waiting for me? PLEASE!!! STFU!"

So I've developed a technique to head it off at the start. It is curt and often causes some confusion...I just walk in the room, or, if I'm in the hall and I see someone with a look in their eye like they are about to accost me with THE CONVERSATION, I just say,

"Yuppregnant!twinboysdueattheendofMaynowedon'tknowtheirnameswhatcanIhelpyouwith"

If I remember to use the technique before 3pm, I bet I could reduce THE CONVERSATION to about 20 times a day. Tolerable.

I would recommend this phrase, with adaptations as desired, to anyone pregnant person dealing with large volumes of people on a daily basis.

Anywho...

I'm getting big. This, for some reason, continues to amaze me and everyone around me. I mean, this is what is supposed to happen. I was at the grocery store today and saw another pregnant lady, and we had a chat...she seemed slightly smaller in the belly than me and I was inwardly shocked to find out that she was 36 weeks pregnant. I'm a bit bigger and only 26 weeks. Yikes and yipes. I went to the OB right after for what big daddy G has dubbed "the meet and greet" (at which they say, "hi, you good? bye!"). I'm measuring 34 weeks. I know, twins...but, ummmm...I'm so big. I'm so big. 183 pounds. This is a 45 pound weight gain. Big.

We get to see the babies again on the 25th.

I wear compression hose, and I love them. They work. I love my harness too, but I had to get another kind that will go over my shoulders, because the under belly thing is not going to do much longer. I got a new bathrobe for the hospital.

Our baby shower is scheduled and things are being bought for us. This is so nice. One set of grandparents bought the stroller and the other the car seats. They have not arrived yet, but I'm beside myself with anticipation. We chose Maxi Cosi car seats, one in orange, one in blue. We did this because these are the University of Florida colors. Since the babies were conceived there, and will be born there, they are real baby gators, and we felt compelled to be campy in this way. I went to our local cloth diaper lady and bought a set of gently used, really cheap all-in-one cloth diapers of varying brands. I'm knitting my hands off.

I can no longer lounge on the couch comfortably. I grunt like the elderly.