The New Road Home

We've been home for one short week. More on that later. I want to share our birth story, and I have to type fast because a baby will surely wake soon.

On the night before our scheduled c-section, we called the unit as instructed to obtain our official arrival time. We were told to arrive at 8 am. I said, "arrive at 8 am?" , "yes, arrive at 8 am" was the reply. "Arrive at 8 am?" I said again. "Yes".

Of course I was up at 3 am. I thought to myself, "self, you know damn well that that nurse is wrong and you should call back". I ignored me and let destiny be our guide.

They told me not to eat anything but I had an ensure and a glass of water just in case we were there at the wrong time and our section had to be moved to the afternoon.

With fifteen minutes to go before we had to leave the house for the 45 minute drive to the hospital, Gregg was eating breakfast and making coffee and hadn't showered yet. I got a little testy. He downloaded some stuff from the internet to the iphone. I got testier. I knew we had the wrong time anyway, but I wanted to be on time for the wrong time anyway. He pulled it off. Made coffee, ate, showered, packed the car and downloaded the iphone all in 15 minutes. We left.

We arrived. We were the only couple there! No one in labor, no other scheduled c-sections. Just a giant team of doctors and nurses standing around looking like they were waiting for something…

"Uh, when did they tell you to arrive?". "Uh, 8 am". "Uh, we had it mind to do the section at 8 am". "Well…". "No biggie! We're not busy today! And at least you are on time for the wrong time!". (I was glad they noticed this).

So, no biggie.

We were worked up. Waiting on lab work. Gregg and I were separated for about 40 minutes while they prepped me and got me numb. The spinal anesthesia was awesome. It didn't hurt going in and worked well. Everyone was incredibly nice and made me feel very safe. There were students everywhere.

Eventually, it was time. I panicked a little because Gregg was still not in the room and he told me later that he was panicking too. They brought him in at the last possible moment and they began. Lots of pushing and pulling later, Giles was born. He went to be assessed. Lots more pushing later, actually so much pushing that I thought they were going to hurt the baby, Moss was born. Splash! went amniotic fluid and associated gore and goop on the floor.

Apgars 8/9 on each. No help needed.

Impossible love, I felt it instantly.

Dr. R had a student and began making commentary and quizzing about my particular uterus at which time I learned that I had a couple of tiny fibroids, no biggie. However, I also learned something else about my fallopian tubes, the source of my infertility. Dr. R was not the one who worked up my infertility, it was a regular gynecologist who, looking back, did not adequately explain what he thought of my tubes after both the failed tube flush procedure thing and the exploratory lap. Dr. R said, "your tubes…", "yes?", "your tubes are very tiny". Ah! I was told they were small muscular and narrow and maybe they were, but now they are just tiny. I didn't expect to learn more about my infertility at this moment, guts splayed out. Actually, if I had been thinking about it, I would have asked specifically for his opinion.

I sort of suspected all along that what was wrong with my tubes was really a congenital defect, and he said I could be correct. I mean, I never had pelvic inflammatory disease or any STDs, so the only thing I could think of that would make my tubes not work was a defect. (oh how infertility makes one feel defective)!

Anyway, on to recovery. They brought the babies within the hour to breastfeed. My lactation peeps had made a fuss. I don't recall the experience of the first time at breast, but there are photos to prove it happened.

Because everyone was so stable (no NICU!!)(No NICU bill!!!), we got to go to the new hospital building. The mother/baby suite was better than many hotels I've stayed in.

We spent 3 sleepless days and nights gawking and breastfeeding.

We experienced the impossible beauty that every new parent must experience. or most anyway…or some!

The pain was bearable, requiring only ibuprofen and that I consciously empty my bladder every 2 hours. My bladder seemed to have forgotten how respond to large amounts of urine. I was really overloaded with IV fluid and the pictures of me are bizarre.

Our nurses were absolute pros. Breastfeeding went, and has gone, perfectly from the start. We gave pacies on the 3rd night.

We had a surprise visit from our wacky Turkish reproductive endocrinologist who just happened to see our names on the docket. This visit, as you can imagine, made us both cry. Closure. We took his picture.

Then, it was time to go home. I decided to drive and Gregg sat in the back with the babies. I was so full of wonder and love that I didn't recognize the road home. I knew how to get home, but everything seemed so…new and beautiful. The world seemed so lovely. On the highway, I began to weep. My beautiful babies in this enormously beautiful and dangerous world. I suddenly realized our impossible responsibility on this new road home and just wept.