31 weeks

I decided to stop working this week. I thought I could make it to May 1st, but no. The decision came in a sudden flash of insight after seeing a patient's mom who I thought was about 20 weeks pregnant but revealed that she was actually due in 10 days and "miserable". I thought, "self, what the hell are you doing here? Home with you!" as I realized I am about 3 times her size. I'm having a hard time walking, even though the babies are still riding high. I can't get dressed without a big to-do. I told my boss and my co-workers that I was done and I actually cried quite a bit. Even though I plan to return to work in the Fall, the me that returns will be much changed.

Gregg pointed out that I have been working pretty much non-stop since I was 14 years old. This will be my longest period of unemployment. Illegal underaged dishwasher, fast food girl, waitress, waitress, waitress, lab rat, library worker, donation solicitor, caviar quality control in Alaska, retail, retail, retail, CNA, CNA, RN, NP. Onward to the job of motherhood. He sweetly said he was very proud of me for making it this far and also pointed out that three or four twin moms we know from the clinic had bed rest from 24 weeks on. That would have stunk. I had a dream that night that I was running anchor for a relay team and almost winning when I looked down at my belly and realized that I was hugely pregnant. I finished, but I'm not sure if my team won or not. Last leg of the race. Cue tears.

Thankfully, I am not "miserable". I am not "sick of being pregnant". I am really grateful for not having these feelings right now, but I know they could come. Mostly, I want to stay pregnant for the next 5 weeks minimum.

I have my knitting, my birth hypnotherapy training, audiobooks, npr, the internet, slow trips to the patio and garden to sit in the sun, and thinking and hoping. I can only read sitting up, not lying on my side, which makes me want a kindle reader. I just discovered that I can watch tv on the iphone, which is probably not a good thing. I have a hard time reading on my side from the iphone because it flip flops from landscape to page view inconveniently.

Something happened that really made me so happy yesterday...maybe to much information, but as a lactation consultant, no one can really blame me for getting excited about it. My breasts began to leak colostrum. Just a little. No pads needed yet, but one can dream. I read that I might need a larger bra size! Having purchased my first real-ish bras only about 8 months ago, this is truly a dream come true.

Okay babies, we're in the home stretch. Please stay in for 35 more days at least.

Thanks! Love, your mum and dad.