35th 2ww

I am living proof that one can survive, and even thrive, without internet access for 3 days.  Holy moly... I have not been able to Google queries such as:

1dp3dt symptoms

2dp3dt symptoms

3dp3dt symptoms

when to pee on a stick

how often is it considered sane to pee on a stick

progesterone in oil side effects

when should i feel symptoms

what is a "good" number of blasts to have left to freeze?

early pregnancy symptoms

very early pregnancy symptoms

things to do during the longest 2 weeks of one's life

It's great that I have had 3 unencumbered days of naps, and walks and knitting and reading...

But now, the Goog is back.  I am proud to say that I have not consulted the Google yet on the above questions because I really wanted to communicate our updates.

First of all, 4 of our 14 remaining embryos survived to cryopreservation (freezing).  When I first heard this, I felt a dark, cold panic deep inside my heart.  Then I realized that many couples do not have any embryos make it to this stage.  So we're the lucky ones.  It means we have 2 more chances if the 2 currently residing in my womb opt out.  I have attended the requisite acupuncture and have listened to my hypnotherapy cd diligently daily to encourage both of them to opt in.  Also, I am super glad they did a 3 day transfer instead of a 5 day.  We could have had even  fewer to freeze.  The frozen embryos are known as "frosties".  I like it.

Secondly, I actually don't mind the nightly muscular progesterone in olive oil shots.  Really. The subcutaneous shots were worse I think.  I sit on a heating pad for 5 minutes prior, then I get a shot in the rear and it's no biggie.  I was a bit nervous about this, for no reason turns out.  Clinical me knows that this is because there are not as many nerves in the haunch as the belly... but whatever.  If I'm pregnant, I will have to do this for 6 weeks.  One can dream.

Also, I remember when I didn't know we were having trouble getting pregnant and I saw lingo like "3dp3dt" and had no idea what this could possibly mean.  I a big girl now.  It means "3 days post 3 day transfer".  That's where I'm at.  

How many 2 week waits have I endured on this quest? Around 34.  I should know how to deal with it by now.  I think this is just about my 35th 2 week wait...  That is a bit excessive.  The wait thus far has been rather mellow.  I know that I won't have symptoms until early next week if any at all. 

I peed on a stick to see if the pregnancy hormone used to trigger ovulation was out of my system... it wasn't.  I think that I'll pee on a stick on Sunday (7dp3dt) but I'll see what the Goog says.  The real test isn't until October 8th, next thursday... hey! Only 1 week left to wait...that seems nice.  

I'll post embryo pics tomorrow, in the meantime, here are flowers that sort of look like our embryo picture.  Thank you to all for your support.  

Shooting Stars

Hello, this is Gregg posting because Cymande is home without internet access due to technical difficulties. This post will be mostly free of IVF jargon because I don't really understand it, but let me start with some. We are PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise.)

Sunday, we arrived at 9 AM for the 3 day transfer. The Russian embryologist presented us with a photo of two grade A embryos that she described as 'textbook.' Our RE explained the procedure and we watched via ultrasound on the big screen. Catheter through the cervial os? Check. Embryos in the catheter? Check. Ready. Set. Go. There was a tiny flash of white microbubbles on the ultrasound and the embryologist exclaimed, "Shooting stars!" She examined the catheter for an embryo that didn't want to leave, but it was clear. So, two embryos in a nice warm uterus. This is the closest we have been to pregnant. Now we wait. We will post the photo as soon as our technical difficulties resolve. PUPO.

Hexadectupletmom

Our 16 are still developing. We're still going for a 3 day transfer of 2 embies tomorrow morning if everything continues well. This is the Valium part I've been so looking forward to! Cool! I have to take it 1 hour prior to the procedure. I'm also on an antibiotic and prednisone which have been harder on my system than the suppression/stimulation meds. My belly is a wreck and I'm back to irritable yet totally psyched. An odd state of mind. We, well I, actually had the energy to go out on the town last night and incidentally got to drive by the embies. We said hello as we drove by and told them we are ready for a couple of them to come now.
Then, Gregg disclosed his, um, his experience in THE BATHROOM on egg retrieval day. The University of Florida's IVF clinic is actually split into 2 centers. The appointments and minor procedures are in a clinic, and the major procedures like egg retrieval and embryo transfer as well as the embryology lab are in the hospital down the road. So on egg retrieval day, Gregg had to do the deed in a new, unknown, secret ejaculation room. He was given a canvas satchel the contents of which were not explained. So, thinking this new room was like the room at the other clinic, he began looking for the, um, porn. He looked in cabinet after cabinet, drawer after drawer until he came upon some movies and he thought, "Eureka!". However, the only movies in the drawer were Cinderella and Dora Goes Undercover. He was pretty sure that the Dora movie was not pornography, but with that title, he just couldn't be 100% sure. So, he put the dvd in the player just to check. Luckily, Dora's integrity is intact. He didn't check the Cinderella dvd, so who knows about her. Then, he realized what was in the canvas valise.

16

We are the proud parents of 16 embryos. I love them dearly already. The fate of the other 8 eggs is really interesting...4 eggs were immature, 3 eggs allowed the sperm in, but didn't really want to get together (they only had 1 polar body) , and 1 egg allowed 2 sperm in (it had 3 polar bodies).
I am in total awe. I'm so excited. I really hope they make it. SuperSueIVFNurseSupreme told me to prepare for a 3 day transfer, which would be Sunday. I am a little disappointed with this because I've read that 5 day blastocyst transfers work a lot better. The risk of the 5 day transfer is that they don't make it to 5 days living in the lab. The risk of the 3 day is that they replace embryos that are destined to expire. I kind of like the Darwin-esque survival of the fittest thing of the 5 day transfer. I guess we've already bucked that whole system though. The clinic is having a team meeting this afternoon and they will sort of decide then. I've read on other blogs that clinics often say to get ready for a 3 day and then change their minds...I hope this is what happens. The clinic feels that the best place for the embryos is my body. I'm going to have to continue to trust this amazing group of people who have come to mean so much to us.
Gregg caught a glimpse of the baby lab yesterday when he was dropping off his goods. He said it was very dark. 16 lil' embryos down there in the dark. 2 anxious parents, fingers crossed. Copious tears.

24

I'll be brief because I'm in a post Demerol "amIasleeporamIawake?" state of being. I gave 24 good looking eggs. I think the embryologists may have by now but sperm and egg together. The future children may exist. We won't know until tomorrow how many embryos we'll have. I'm watching the Darjeeling Ltd., my favorite half conscious on the couch movie. I'm not uncomfortable. I was sort of nervous about what might come out of my mouth under conscious sedation but nothing too strange was said...apparently I asked three times if they gave me the Versed already. By the third time, they were giggling. I actually do remember most of the procedure. As one of the three embryologists cleaned my eggs under the microscope the image was projected on a television above my head. There were 12 people total in the room. We gave the embryologists a bag of chocolate covered espresso beans.
I bravely tried to eat marscapone and amaretto crepes at a nice little restaurant after discharge, but barfed in the bathroom after 3 bites. My glasses fell into the toilet right before I tossed my cookies, so I had to quickly do it in the little rubbish bin. Gregg said he couldn't hear it from where he was sitting and we were the only patrons anyway.
Night night.
24 eggs. Holy cow!

Gatorade is Kinda Yucky

Tomorrow is egg retrieval day! I am super calm. My facebook status even says so. I listened to my IVF hypnosis cd this morning. I'm puttering around with my gigantic ovaries. I'm going to take a nap. I'm going to watch Oprah. I never see daytime television because I'm always at work, so this is exciting. I don't have to give myself any injections today. I just get to chill...that and continue begging the universe with all my heart that this works out while simultaneously thanking it in advance because apparently gratitude is better than begging when it comes to this stuff. I'm hoping for 15 mature eggs and that they all fertilize and that at least 8 embryos make it to day 5. This may be asking a lot, but I'm asking anyway. We are planning to replace 2 embryos if we should be so lucky. I'm became not okay with the elective single embyo transfer [eSet] thing somewhere along the way, just like many others. We have to get up at 4:30 am to get ready and to the hospital for a 7:00 am retrieval. Maybe we'll take pictures.
I decided to make my own version of Gatorade because for the past 3 years of trying to conceive, I have been scrupulously avoiding dyes and flavorings and I really just couldn't stomach the thought of adding them in now, and no one had the clear version (I went to 4 stores!). I did have 1 bottle of lemon-lime in all of the excitement. The recipe for oral rehydration solution (Pedialyte) is easy and cheap to make at home and I recommend it to parents of dehydrated infants nearly daily, but I bought some Target brand solution and some organic apple/grape juice and I made my own super nice Gucci Gatorade. Plus, maybe the apple juice will help me remain regular...as in not constipated. Strangely, this is my primary fear...constipation. I don't want any struggling in the pelvic region. Of course the Pedialyte was in the baby section at Target. I tried not to look at carseats and baby stuff, because it is a dangerous emotional move of the sort I have avoided much like artificial dyes, but, like some kind of addict or indulgent parent, I allowed myself one long look...I gazed upon all of the gear...and thought...maybe this time...oh what joy...(the baby, not the stuff!)

Gatorade

Tonight, I take my final doses of Folistim, Lupron, Ovidrel and dexamethasone. I went in for my appointment this morning and Dr. B gave me a 99.99% chance of triggering ovulation tomorrow! YAY!!! This means egg retrieval on Thursday morning. I calculate that my ovaries are about the size of fists right now. I have lots of follicles and my estrogen is in the high 3000 range. I have to walk funny to accommodate them. That, and the belly pooch and the bruises all together make for a lovely sight.
Actually, I was greeted today in the ultrasound room with, "congratulations on your beautiful, beautiful stimulation". I really tried not to feet like a pageant winner, because I know this may not work, but I grinned widely.
I was also instructed today to begin sipping Gatorade to prevent ovarian hyper-stimulation syndrome [OHSS], a bad outcome involving supergigantic ovaries and sometimes hospitals. The Gatorade apparently keeps my "peripheral fluid" in balance so that my ovaries don't take it all. The coincidence that my IVF clinic is the University of Florida (go Gators) and that UF invented Gatorade is not lost on me. My clinician mind instantly thought, "oh, they are gently suggesting this because you already have an early case." I'm going to let them tell me if they are worried and not try to guess. I'm not even going to look on the Google.
Over the weekend, I got to see the other couples who are cycling with us. There are about 5. One can't help wondering what their stories are. One odd thing really stood out today when we all arrived at the clinic for our labs and ultrasounds...4 out of 5 of us are nurses. Everyone was in scrubs, on the way to work. I thought it was curious and then I realized that (1) it's a recession, and healthcare providers might be the only ones with money to spend on IVF and (2) healthcare providers are probably more likely to seek care for infertility. Interesting.
Another appointment in the morning and then...trigger. Blammo!

I can't seem to get my flower pictures off of my camera right now. I'm bummed, but I get to enjoy Florida's autumn live, which is like a second spring...flowers and butterflies everywhere. The smell coming from the field is heavenly. Sun-warmed grass. mmmm.

Day 7 Follicle Report (and stuff)

Today the news is good on all fronts...the mood has stabilized, for one, and for this we can all be glad.  We went for the estrogen and follicle check this morning, but saw a different doc than usual because it's the weekend and she was the one on call.  My estrogen is now 1912 blahblahs per blahblah on day 7 of Follistim and is therefore nearly doubling daily.  Dr. R  found 32 follicles but before anyone freaks out, the way that I nearly did but didn't because there was an ultrasound "wand", er, where the sun doesn't shine, she said that the small ones don't really count, so I really have 18 meaningful follicles and they're gettin' big.  I now have to go to the clinic every morning.  This means we're getting close.  They may do the egg retrieval on Wednesday.  I can really feel my big ovaries today.  They don't hurt...they're just...present.  I'm sure I'll be bloated before too long.  Yeah, okay, I'm already bloated. 

Follicle Report

Yesterday, I read the article suggested by cousin Kari that is in the comments section and laughed until I cried.  I especially laughed when the author mentions crying while listening to James Taylor, which I just experienced not 1 week ago.  So this morning, on the way to my ultrasound/blood work appointment,  I did not choose James Taylor on the iPod.  Nope. I chose something that would, on a normal day, not make me weepy: Gnarls Barkley.  But, well...these are not normal days.  Yes, that's right, I got weepy when listening to Gnarls Barkley by myself in the car.  Abnormal, I mean, has anyone ever experienced this with Gnarls Barkley?  Anyway, this being Florida, it was raining...the sun was rising too.  I decided to pull off of the highway to go to the bathroom, get gasoline and get myself together at a really charming "Florida Welcome Center" where they sell baby citrus trees which will be confiscated if you try to leave the state with one in your trunk or suitcase and 200 t-shirts for $10 made right here in China.  And then, a rainbow.  At 7 am. A rainbow.  Of course, what happened next? More crying.  Oh the hormonal beauty of it all. 

The Estrogen Report:  542, SuperSueIVFNurseSupreme says, "great!". 

The Follicle Report:  11 on the right, 10 on the left, all still smallish, but also "great!" per Sue.

Next update on Saturday evening.  Yay! 

GRRRRR....

I'm grouchy.  I can totally intellectualize this crankiness though. It's because my estrogen is rising and it's bringing out the feisty female voodoo energy. I decided to have half days at work this week because I didn't think I could keep my cool for 10 hours straight. I'm very happy that I made this decision. My estrogen level is now 126, which is good. I cruised the web to see other people's numbers, and mine seem low, but Dr. B says that as long as it is twice as high as my starting estrogen level, then we're doing really well...and it's 4 times higher...so...I trust it's okay. I thought I was having an ultrasound yesterday, but it's actually tomorrow. I can feel my ovaries taking up more space in my belly...so I'm expecting good numbers.
One of the injections I'm taking, Ovidrel, was made by Dick Cheney and the devil in their shared undisclosed location. Yes, I'm pretty sure about this. The other injections do not hurt. But Ovidrel makes me cry. I made Gregg administer this one because, once again, my arm would not allow me to inject liquid fire into my abdomen. Go figure. I've decided that it's okay to be pissed off that I'm going through IVF even though I chose it. I see the acupuncturist (Dr. D) on Friday. I'm going to have a cup of tea now and chill out.  grrrrr...stay calm...grrrr...

My ovaries better look like this, or else...

Ladies, Start Your Engines

Alright! I made it through suppression without any cysts or surprises.  Dr. B and SuperSue IVF nurse supreme say, "GO!".  So this evening, instead of 1 shot and 2 pills, I will be giving myself 3 shots and 2 pills.  The Lupron will continue at a lower dose so that my ovaries don't get too excited about the microdose Ovidrel and Follistim, which will mimic the LH surge and FSH and stuff...making my ovaries make more eggs.  

I had an appointment a couple of days ago during which they also did a mock transfer.  I was excited because Dr. B said that my uterus is 70mm on the inside, which is a good size if one would like to carry twins to term.  He also said that I have over 20 pre-eggs.  That's cool.  We could be the proud parents of 20 embryos in about 10 days if everything goes well, although I'm not sure I can deal with being the parent of 20 embryos.  Anyway, all of the eggs are not really likely to be perfectly mature...and some will probably not fertilize...and some that do will not make it.  So, honestly, we will probably not be the parents of 20 embryos.  However, if we do start with that many...it means that we probably won't have to repeat this process even if it doesn't work this time.  (Instead, we could do a FET, a frozen embryo transfer. no shots, blahblahblah).

My next appointment is on Tuesday morning.  Blood work and ultrasound every day or every other day.  40 minutes each way translates into lots of singing in the car alone time. 

I'm all about hope and action right now.  I physically cannot worry right now.  I've tried.  It's not there. I've tried thinking about failure, and I can't.  I will when I have to.  Now is go time. Go, go, go!

Lupron Day 5

I'm giving my own shots now, YAY ME! It's not so bad. It still kind of stings and I still get a little itchy after, but it's not so bad. I figured out that if I actually push the needle in slowly (EEEEEEK! Sorry!) it doesn't hurt as much. I don't think Gregg minds not giving the shot. He just watches in mock-horror. I think I had a side effect today...but I'm not sure if it really qualifies...I got grouchy and irrational for like 15 minutes...Gregg wouldn't take the bait, so the mood passed. YAY Gregg! I just can't tell if it was a side effect or is just the stress of the whole IVF situation. I've been listening to this British IVF hypnosis cd every couple of days. Her accent was very funny to me at first, but is now very mellowing. I don't think I can accurately portray the accent in writing...okay, I'll try..."noo eemagine yoorr loosh yootereyne loining..." hysterical...[pun intended].
My suppression check (when Dr. B makes sure he has adequately removed any chance of me ovulating on my own) is on Thursday. He's also going to do a "mock transfer" which is when they sort of map my uterus so that they can see in advance where the correct spot to put the as-yet-non-existent embryos is. Sue the IVF nurse said that Dr. B gets really into it, draws diagrams and everything. Good!
I also am enrolled in a study! It is dependent in the end on if I get pregnant. I hope I'm not breaking any laws by disclosing the study...it doesn't seem like top secret stuff...okay...it's a study of how the cardiovascular system changes in women who get pregnant using IVF versus women who get pregnant naturally. (and if they are studying this, they must already know that there is a difference, and I hope it's not too bad). It involves lots of urinating and blood pressure checks and an echocardiogram (which I get to keep to share with my primary care doctor, who is my boss, a pediatrician, another story). So I get 2G if I get pregnant and can really finish the study. YAY! I still get $250 for the initial part, pregnant or not, so it's a win/win really. It only involves 8 office visits over the course of the pregnancy, no biggie really. When the head researcher (a NP, thank you) took my blood pressure the other day she said that I would probably be at risk for passing out and falling down a lot if I get pregnant because my pre-pregnancy blood pressure is only 100/60 and blood pressures tend to drop (unless you have pre-eclampsia) during pregnancy because the pregnant body has to accommodate so much more blood and blood vessels and stuff. I guess I'll try to find a pro-bono spotter. He or she would be required to stand next to pregnant me and yell "TIMBER!" as I go down whilst also ensuring my safety. Anyway, the study is a benefit of being at a university IVF clinic. Maybe the hypnosis is affecting my blood pressure? Probably.

Undress me, Suppress me: Day 1

I'll take a cocktail of aspirin and dexamethasone followed by a sub-cutaneous injection of Lupron... and the gentleman will have one doxycycline... thank you. Artificial menopause coming right up! Very good.  

I decided that I definitely can not give myself the injection.  I though I could...but no.  The hand will not allow it, the elbow does not move, I trembled.  Besides, Gregg shooting me up is more like "we" are making a baby.  I whined, I'm ashamed to say.  It kind of stung.  There's a little hive. It's sort of itchy.

We had popcorn for dinner. 

I've decided to take some melatonin in case my insomnia kicks into higher gear.  
Is that erythema? No one said erythema.