36 weeks 4 days

I have come to acceptance. The boys will just remain living in my belly for eternity. It's too bad really because hamburgers and rainbows are both really good things that I think they should experience. People who just live inside their mama's bellies, kicking and hiccuping, don't get to experience these things. They just get heartbeats, gas bubbles, muffled Beck and kicks in the rear from their womb-mate. Boys, I assure you, you will still get to experience these things when and if you come out.

I realized that I have actually traversed the stages of grief (sort of) in the past week...

1) Denial: I can't believe that they're not here yet. It's less denial than amazement or disbelief, I guess.

2) Anger: What the hell are they waiting for???? Let's go!!! Get born!!! SHEESH!!! (This being said whilst trying to shake them out like ketchup from a bottle, Gregg laughing, because it was pretty funny. He laughs, and that's why I love him.)

3) Bargaining: If you come out in the next 24 hours, you can go to Toys-R-Us on your 6th birthday. And we'll get a pool. A good pool. And I'll buy you a car. But you have to share it.

4) Depression: I skipped this one, but had a mild sense of ennui and despondency which sort of counts I think.

5) Acceptance: What am I thinking? The longer they stay in the better (to a point). Also, this has an end date. It's June 7th. That's only 2 more weeks. Get over it and be grateful! SHEESH!!!

My uterus is a vault. I'd better not be one of those women who can carry 18 pounds of baby, because that is just...oh my God, I come from pilgrim, pioneer and slave stock. These boys are made of pilgrims, pioneers, slaves and Newfoundlanders. I should have known they would not be premature. In another time, I would be walking across the entire country or plowing a field or harpooning whales until they just fell out and I wouldn't be complaining. I mean, I did know at the outset that they could be premature, but what I didn't allow myself to consider was that they could be full term. That without intervention, they might be born at 40 weeks. I put together a "just in case they're premature" kit at some point during this pregnancy which included premie diapers and a medium-sized lot of used premie clothing that I won on Ebay. Today, I unpacked the premie clothes from the hospital bag and put the premie diapers into the store room for liquidation after they arrive, because they aren't gonna be needing 'em. Yaaay!!!

Listen to me rant...I'm only 36 weeks...they still are considered premature really...I'm just...

wow. Totally grateful, really. Nothing is happening. No contractions. No nothing. I'm going to have to revise my baby ticker, because I do not suspect they will actually be here in 4 days. Am I jinxing myself? I bet that my cervix is actually closed again.

Do you think we can apply for driver's licenses 16 years in advance? They're going to be driving us home from the hospital after they're born and I don't want them to break any laws. At first, I mean. After a couple of weeks, okay.

Ranting and raving lunatic.

(PS: I hope not to offend anyone whose babies are in NICUs with my whining. This could still happen to us. Even full termers end up in NICUs... and universe? I'm not looking for any lessons here, m'kay?)