6 weeks

"What were you doing in the kitchen at 3:00 this morning?" you might inquire if you were visiting me.  "Why, I was making hard boiled eggs and eating them with caperberries, because we're totally out of pickles",  I would reply.  "Oh, of course!", you would return. 

The motion sickness has reached a new level this week.  I have to carefully consider which car I choose to ride in, whether I'm the driver or not.   The Mini is good because it doesn't have a nauseating new car smell, but the bumpy ride is almost not worth it.  Now the queasy lasts for about an hour after I exit the vehicle.  I rounded at the hospital today and while I received report from the floor nurses the only thing on my mind was, "don't barf on them, because that's not really nice".  It really made me wonder how many times I've been unknowingly in the presence of "one who may vomit on my shoes at any moment".  Probably a lot.  Probably you have as well.  I'm surprised there are not women spewing everywhere at all times a la Stand by Me.  

I've had a couple of brief episodes of moderate quantities of yucky brown sludgy discharge in the past two days, but no cramping and no bright red blood, so Sue said it's okay.  Probably old blood from implantation.  I get to stop my daily aspirin though.  Gregg informed me after this episode that he loved me, but that he needed to move to Puerto Rico for the next 8 months because the stress of worrying about me is starting to qualify him for insanity.  It's funny really because I'm not stressed at all.  I'm just queasy.  The ultrasound is in 8 days.  He says he'll feel better after the ultrasound.  I will too.  It's just that, again, I cannot worry today about something I cannot know until 8 days from now.  I know that the potential exists for us not to see what we think we're going to see and that we will feel really sad if things aren't good.  For now though, I'm just knocked up and so far so good and all of that.

And you know, my pants are getting too tight, which took me a few days to admit to myself.  I refuse to buy bigger clothes and scrubs and stuff at least until the ultrasound.  If it is good, I will invest more on every level, so the pants are just going to have to last another week.  This superstition hasn't stopped me from ogling stuff like knitting patterns and car seats and strollers and cloth diapers online though.  Ah, I just realized  another superstition...I have decided not to start any baby knitting projects until 2nd trimester at least.  Then, if all is well, it's on.  

Oh my god, I just realized that I actually have other superstitions, all blog related.  No widgets unless good ultrasound, no changing "profile" or "about me" info.  No changing the subtitle of GroupSex to "a pregnant after IVF blog".  Nonono.  I guess I'm more with Gregg on the "this is not real or worth planning for until the ultrasound" attitude than I thought.  Oh the damage infertility inflicts...sheesh.  8 more days.